Tech Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself (If you don't know this song reference, then you're not old enough to understand my problems)

This is essentially my To-Do List:

1. Seek professional help from other educators: sign up for the webinar, seek out PD, research and bookmark online sources.
2. Try and apply at least 10 different Google apps in my classroom.
3.    Use technology more (beyond email, Moodle, and Remind): share lessons on Planbook, use my iPad for reasons other than attendance/email, try out fun online apps for English
4. Create a plan to go paperless in the English classroom.
5.  Figure out how to teach my curriculum online: online texts, discussions, writing feedback, etc.
6. Find a mentor to help/collaborate with me in the English classroom
7.   Try not to go insane and quit. Yeah, that should be #1.

21st Century, Here I Come!

Hey, My People!

So, I changed my project. At first I thought I was going to go all green and crunchy and save the planet and change the world and all that, but I just couldn’t get started. I had five snow days; you would think that I could have at least gotten started! But no. The only thing I did was check out some books and then not read them.

It’s not that I don’t want to help the environment. I WANT my kids to live in a clean world. I WANT to do my part to give back to my “home” outside. I WANT to learn how to compost and revise my living to make change…BUT this is a long term goal, not a short term project, and I have to work on a more pressing issue at the moment.

The Pressing Issue? Chromebooks.

Yes, pretty soon my teaching life is going to get rocked by 1 on 1 technology.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not a techno-hater. I don’t sit at home diligently typing with one finger on my cellphone trying to figure out how to text. I know how to buy apps and share videos and download music. I’m hip. I’m on Facebook regularly. I have a Twitter account (don’t ask me how to use it), and I DO attempt to us my iPad in the classroom (cough, cough, yeah right, cough). So I feel that I’ve blossomed in the 21^st Century, right?

Wrong. I’m that teacher I was annoyed by as a student. The one who didn’t know how to use the overhead projector, work a CD player, or turn on a cellphone. You might was well label me in the “Atari” era of technology compared to what students know and need now.

So, here’s my plan: Learn stuff.

Next year, I want to be ready for this change. I don’t want to be one step behind my students. I want to be able to use technology to enhance what I already do well in my classroom.

To start I’m going to sign up for an online class with a colleague. In this free professional development webinar (oh yeah, I’m doing a webinar for the first time), we are going to learn about Google apps and processes in education.

I’m also going to research and bookmark as many helpful and reliable sites, created by fellow educators, to help me learn. My hope is to “test out” these practices in my classroom before the end of this year, so I can modify and learn from my experience.

Wish me luck. I’m going to need it.

Friends Unite for the Parent Fight

So last time I posted, I told you all how fed up I was with reading all these books about parenting. There weren't many practical tips and much of what was said fell into two camps: be strict and consistent or let go and love. Well, at least they helped me figure out what type of parent I am. I'm somewhere in between.

With that said, I called out to all my peeps on Facebook to see if their experience could help. Here is my original post and some of the replies. I even got one from my own mommy. See if you can guess which one is hers. Thanks, Mom! Love ya!

My Facebook Post:

So, moms and dads out there, this is for a project I am doing along with my students at school. I've been working on improving my parenting skills and dealing with the daily issues all families with young children seem to face. And, after reading several books and consulting online videos, I decided I needed to consult the experts. Yes, that would be you, my friends. I know a lot of you are parents and a lot of you aren't. But even if you aren't a parent, you can comment on things you have observed about your own parents or others you know.

You see, I'm looking to find out how to deal with the following challenges with my kids:
1) sibling rivalry
2) temper tantrums
3) whining
4) bedtime struggles

Now I know no one considers themselves a "perfect parent", but I just want to know what's out there and what's working, and maybe it will work for my family, too. Thanks for any advice, strategies, tips or resources.
Peace.

My Responses:

I saw a really neat velcro chart that had everything the child needed to do before bed on one side, then there was a "done" column on the other half. So what the child needed to do was not debatable, but the order they chose to do each task was up to them. Could be done with chores or morning routine as well.

As for temper tantrums and whining, I try to remember that kids tend to vocalize their needs in not so pleasant ways. Sometimes the whining etc comes when I've been too busy to listen to what they are trying to communicate

The only one I have a suggestion for is the bedtime struggles. My cousins kids have done really well using timers for everything. Brushing teeth, taking a bath, getting dressed for bed. 

I try to ignore mine when she whines. She gets no feedback from me (positive or negative) so she does it less and less. She tends to whine more when she's tired. If she starts getting whiny, she goes to bed. 

Mine hasn't had too many temper tantrums, but I notice she starts to act out if she's, again, tired, or hungry. If I solve one of those issues, the whining and temper tantrums stop.

The old Polish way always works for all the above.. A shot and a beer! The nice thing is it works if you have it yourself or give it to the kids!

I have a morning and bedtime routine sheet I got off Pinterest , the boys earn stars stickers if they....a. do it and b. that its done without any major issues! After a ton of stars are earned they get to pick a special event, like going out to a special breakfast or something. Works now...but they are still pretty young! 

 Don't try to be a "perfect" mom...you are a fabulous, loving, caring mom! I am so proud of you! There is no handbook for parenting (although I begged for one when my kids were little)...just do what feels right and your kids will thrive! Your kids are so wonderful and just showing that you love them unconditionally will serve them well! Love you!!! Happy Mother's Day! 

I always marveled at how my friend, Nessa, handled bedtime with her daughter and NEVER had a problem 'cause of this process: she'd tell her daughter approximately 1 hour before she expected her to be asleep and had her choose the order of bath, teeth brushing, pajamas, and storytime making a sort of game out of it. She didn't make a big deal if being in bed from night to night were off by a few minutes because the kid never resisted and felt empowered by making her own choices. Personally, I appreciated how my parents would not make it feel as if we were missing out on anything by going to sleep. They'd lower the lights and tv volume and even go through their bedroom routine at the same time so it never felt like we were being 'punished' when it was time to go to bed.

Well God knows I am NO expert, but I think that mostly children rise to the expectation that you give them, because you love them and they know it, they are naturally going to want to please you. Bed time here has never been much of a struggle, and Savanna is a 7:30 in to bed kid. I think what helps her is she listens to a book on tape or CD. She might listen to it one night or for 2 weeks solid, as long as she is quietly resting in her bed and not bouncing around it's fine. I didn't let her sleep with more than 2 stuffy friends either because I thought that she would play to much, she has grown used to the rule it's not play time so I let her have more, but if that is an issue than I would recommend just one or two that they can choose each night. It's the same at the preschool and it's hard for some of the kids to know that it's not play time, but we use quiet calming music, low lights and sometimes a child needs to be reminded so you have to sit right there with them for awhile until they are more calm, we don't expect them to fall instantly to sleep or at all if they aren't tired but resting and being quiet, is the expectation, and they seem to rise to it most of the time willingly.

But just a P.S. you are the first person that I heard (well I guess overheard) "asked and answered" from and I love it. It's been very helpful.

My all-time favorite response from my friend, Michelle, mother of 3:

1. Take time for yourself and spouse. I'm on a beach in Florida right now.

 2. We might not be the best parents, but we are doing better than some. Ultimately, we want our children to be happy, hard working, honest, self-sufficient, healthy, loving individuals. I do the best I can each day and not feel guilty when i lose my patience. 

3. I seriously want to move to a small town and keep life simple and slow. I'm annoyed by the competition. Who gives a shit if your kid can read at 4 or aces standardized tests! That doesn't make a difference when you're 30/40/50/60 years old. Do what you love. Love yourself. Love life. 

4. Sibling rivalry. It's normal and healthy. They need to learn how to deal with it. Intervene when one is getting hurt. 

5. Temper tantrums. Ignore them. Stop worrying about what others think (if in public). Anyone with kids understands or they are lying. Or at home I tell them to go to their room and let their cry out. 

6. Whining. I learned this in a teaching class: say "that's whining. Whining doesn't work in this house. Please use your words." Repeat. 

7. Bed time struggle. Consistency. And locking him in his room.

8. Morning: coffee. Night: wine and high five my husband for making 3 of the coolest people I know. 

The Woes of Parenting

Things I've Learned I'm Doing Completely Wrong

1) Everything.

2) Everything else.

3) No really, everything.

So I completed three parenting books, and let me tell you, they are COMPLETELY different. Now I'm so confused, I don't know what to do. One book says "Do-this-and-you-will-help-your-kids'-self-esteem" and the other says "Do-this-because-you-are-the-parent-and-they-are-spoiled-entitled-brats" and the final one says “Quit-yelling-you-are-the-problem”. Really? Who should I believe?

I’ll provide a brief quote from each book and my assessment. Hopefully, you’ll understand my dilemma:

1)      How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and How to Listen So Kids Will Talk  by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish 

Quote: “We want to create an emotional climate that encourages children to cooperate because they care about themselves, and because they care about us. We want to demonstrate the kind of respectful communication that we hope our children will use with us” (88).

My Thoughts: Yes. That’s true, but tell me HOW, please.

2)      Have a New Kid by Friday by: Dr. Kevin Leman

Quote: “If you talk to a fisherman, he’ll tell you that in order to land the fish, you’ve got to keep tension on the line. You don’t give that fish any slack. If you give it slack, not only will it jump out of the water, but it will scrape its jaw against the bottom of the creek to try to get rid of the hook. To catch that fish, you have to keep the line consistently taut. If you suddenly drop the pole toward the water, you’ve developed slack in the line, and you give the fish the opportunity to get off. Then it’ll be pretty tough to catch that fish again. The good news is, if you child is thrashing as he comes out of the water, you’ll know you’re on the right track” (82).

My Thougts: Well, I guess this metaphor means I’m supposed to treat my kids      as animals        meant to be tamed? If that is the case, then my kids are definitely in the “thrashing” stage. For example, here is a typical morning with my three-year-old, Emma: I serve her milk in    the pink drinking cup NOT the green, I put out her striped pants NOT the jeans, and I select the princess shirt NOT the plain one, all in an effort to avoid the inevitable screamfest, but      the screamfest comes anyway because I have forgotten to push her chair in just so, or I am      standing the wrong way or I didn’t give her the banana with the skin on NOT off even        though yesterday I gave it to her with the skin off and you would have thought that I just           killed her dog. So if I consulted Dr. Leman about this, he would say “Hold the line taut and    don’t give in”. I think I can do that. Easily.

3)      Is That Me Yelling? A Parent’s Guide to Getting Your Kids to Cooperate Without Losing Your Cool by Rona Renner, RN

Quote: “Anger is probably unavoidable. But becoming more aware of your anger – whom or what you are really angry at and how you choose to express it – can actually help you stop yelling…Your anger can be diffused or ignited. It’s your choice, once you understand your goals and learn new skills” (55).

My Thoughts: This is true. I also was impressed with this book’s set-up. The                     first part gives the reason for anger and how to understand it, and the second part               gives everyday strategies for yelling less. I found it practical, precise, and pretty                 spot-on.

Yet even after putting some of these strategies in action, here is my dilemma: I still suck.

So what do I do now?

My Plan of Action:

I am going to seek out help from the experts: other parents. My plan is to open my blog up to my friends on Facebook (my preferred social media network; although thanks to my students I am officially a member of Twitter even though I haven't checked it once and still don't know how to use it). I am going to post a weekly parenting question on Facebook and see what kinds of responses I get from the numerous moms and dads I'm friends with online. I know them. I trust most of them, and I'm thinking that the "experts" may have some faults. I'd like some practical and useful tips versus theory.

So, I will end this post with another picture to remind you that I have the most wonderful and beautiful children in the world (no sarcasm intended). I still love these guys! I guess I’m not doing EVERYTHING wrong.

Helpful Videos This Week

1-2-3 Magic -- 3 minute Videos

YES! 3 minute videos. I have this book, but the videos are great!

Dinnertime:  https://www.youtube.com/user/123MagicParenting
 I love that this video gave some quick and easy tips about how to get kids to eat and it's common sense. I don't know how I feel about using a timer, but I'm going to try it! I'll let you know.

Bedtime: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mJJr1HOZ0j8
So, yeah, kinda helpful. I guess I could try sitting in front of her door the "catch them at the pass" method, but that really doesn't allow me to relax and watch TV or talk with my husband. I'm going to have to look for more information on this.

Apologies: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g4gh0mw1Roc
I like what this one had to say. Sympathy and compassion need to be modeled. Forcing apologies doesn't really work. I see my son do this a lot. Apologies shouldn't be a punishment. So, how do I get my kids to sincerely apologize for what they do wrong?

Jimmy Kimmel Video: This was just for fun! Jimmy gets parenting advice from kids in this video. Hilarious! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vbVnVrQsh_U

Information OVERLOAD!

So, since I last discussed my 20-Time goal, here's what I've done:

1) I started to make a list of informational resources. And that list is SOOOOOO long. First I went to my favorite place for book recommendations: Amazon. Here I looked for the highest ratings and best reviews on parenting books out there. The titles were endless, which tells me that this might not be as easy as I thought. I ended narrowing my search  and purchasing just one title: How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. It was highly rated, got great reviews, and was even called the "Parenting Bible". So, I bought it.

But then I also got a title from my daughter's daycare lady, who keeps a library for parents. When I asked her what book she has that most parents check out and benefit from, she immediately told me about this one: Have a New Kid by Friday by Dr. Kevin Leman. So, I checked it out.

But then I got a surprise gift from one of my students! He came and delivered a whole stack of books from the local library for me. I was flattered by his concern and support. So now, I have an even more extensive list of books to read. My plan is not to read ALL of them, but to find excerpts that help me with each of my identified goals for improving my parenting.  Here is the list of books (which vary greatly and some are even very controversial!):

Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother by Amy Chua (I read a NYTimes article about this one...don't think it suits my style, but I will give it a shot)

Bringing Up Bebe by Pamela Druckerman (I saw this online and read some reviews. Highly controversial since it is a French mother who "criticizes"  American's parenting style)

What Every 21st Century Parent Needs to Know by Debra W. Haffner (I dunno. Might be good)

The Entitlement-Free Child by Karen Deerwester (very accessible)

Is That Me Yelling? by Rona Renner, RN (Sounds like me!)


2) I've scheduled a routine bi-weekly date night! Yes. I think that in order to be a better parent I need to have a stronger connection with my husband, so I have a girl at my daycare who has been bugging me to babysit (we never get babysitters) and I just asked her. Now every other week we are going to go out for dinner for two hours. This is going to give us a chance to talk about our parenting in a place NOT in front of the kids like we have been. I plan on sharing some of the stuff I learn so that Ed and I are BOTH on the same page in terms of raising our children. Plus we get some "non-parent" time. Win-Win.

3) I've looked for a mentor. This has been tough. I could go with other mothers I know, but they all have unique situations and they all admit that they are not "experts". So, I looked online at family psychologists in the area. I found a couple, and I plan on calling them during 20Time this week or next. I'm worried about whether scheduled visits will cost anything or if insurance will cover it. I will also need to commit time for this and probably set up more childcare (another added expense). I just wish I had a "free" helper. I'll keep looking.

Well, that's it for this week. What I will focus on for next week: how to stop yelling/how not to lose my cool with my kids. Time to hit the books!

It's 20-Time AGAIN! Yay!

It's a new school year, and yes, I'm attempting the 20-Time project again with my juniors. I can't wait to see the new goals, projects, successes and failures the second time around!

This year, though, I am going to attempt my own 20-Time endeavor. It's a personal one. I am going to work on being a better parent. Yes, I have two wonderful children, Edju and Emma, and they are the joy in my life, but our days have gotten harder. Trying to balance work and life has its challenges and oftentimes my home life can be chaotic: yelling, sibling fist fights, crying, whining, struggles at dinnertime, bedtime, toothbrushing, bathing, potty-training, etc. It can be overwhelming, and I need to figure out how to improve our lives as a family. Family the most important thing in the world to me.

So, what's my plan? I definitely need to read, research, and seek out help from experts on what I can do to improve this area of my life. I plan on first looking up reviews for parenting books, actually finding a book to read, and then seeing what's out the web. Each 20-Time I will focus on different troublesome area of parenting, and I'll watch YouTube videos, read articles, and/or even attempt to find some family counseling. Like many of my students, I just don't have enough time. This 20-Time will be my chance. It will also be a model for my students.